Pain is a Wall I Have Crossed: The Marina Abramović Memoir

You thought you would fall off the edge of the earth, but instead, you discovered a new continent.

　　"I had to put myself in this situation, inflict such great emotional pain on myself, to get rid of it all, to drive him out of my life. And I did it... at that moment, I no longer liked his smell. And once I no longer liked his smell, it was all over." Marina Abramović (1946–) once again chose to express herself through pain, but this time it wasn't an overt art performance; it was about leaving her lover and artistic collaborator, Ulay. The heart of this autobiography is an operatic love story, and their story finally reached a dramatic conclusion on the Great Wall of China.

　　Love and pain have always occupied a significant part of Abramović's life. Her father left home to start a new family with another woman. Her mother, a former解放軍 (People's Liberation Army) soldier with severe mysophobia, never kissed or hugged her, imposing Spartan-like discipline and mental control. Even when Abramović was on the cusp of becoming an international artist, she still had to obey a 10 p.m. curfew. She would just have cut herself with a knife or burned herself with fire, but these acts had to be completed before 10 p.m.

　　Abramović used her body as a medium for various shocking performances, challenging societal perceptions. "I experienced absolute freedom—I felt my body was unconstrained, limitless; pain didn't matter, nothing mattered... At that moment, I knew I had found my medium. No painting or object I could have made ever gave me that feeling." She inherited her mother's "wall-breaking" will, transcending the limits of body and mind, and throwing out life issues to invite viewers to participate and contemplate.

　　Choosing self-mutilating performances doesn't mean she was fearless; quite the opposite. However, "do what I'm afraid of, do what I don't understand, go to territories no one has reached. If you do things the same way, constantly repeating yourself, nothing will happen." Abramović's story is at times poignant, at times tumultuous, with a cool humor, recounting an unparalleled artistic career achieved by pushing herself to the limits of fear, pain, and exhaustion; and a dangerous journey of pursuing emotional and spiritual transformation without compromise. This book is an outstanding performance, clearly and powerfully describing the legendary life of an extraordinary artist.