The Eldest Daughter Syndrome: We Aren't Born to Bear Responsibilities – Stories of Daughters Across Generations in Taiwan

In Taiwanese society, eldest daughters often bear various expectations. Towards their parents, they are expected to understand the hardships of their parents' work and thus help maintain the cleanliness of the home. Towards their younger siblings, they are expected to care for them and ideally serve as their role models.

Though they are all children, eldest daughters are always expected to excel, be considerate of their parents, and manage household affairs.

The author of this book is an eldest daughter, as is her mother. She found that they both share a similar fate of toil, often having to shoulder heavy responsibilities both at home and at work. However, when it comes to benefits like inheritance distribution or promotions, they often miss out.

To explore how "eldest daughters" are nurtured and what their circumstances are, the author observed and interviewed over a dozen eldest daughters, spanning different generations and social classes, to record their life stories.

These stories illustrate the role of "daughters" and "women" in contemporary Taiwanese families, revealing how seemingly natural expectations contribute to the eldest daughter syndrome, making them overly burdened individuals both at home and in the workplace.

【Eldest Daughter's Inner Thoughts】
"Why did I have to grow up when my younger siblings were born?"
"Why does the older one always have to give way to the younger one?"
"I never wanted to be the eldest daughter. Can I apply for voluntary resignation?"
"If I don't take it on, no one else will."
"It's quicker to do it myself than to hand it over to someone else."
"I am my mother's closest partner, and I have a duty to help her bear the burden. I must be sensible so that my mother can relax."

【Eldest Daughter Traits】
* Sensible, high self-expectations, conscientious and responsible, caring for those around them.
* Tend to work independently, not relying on others, with higher self-esteem.
* Good at reading people, accustomed to considering the overall situation.
* Hardworking, down-to-earth, trustworthy.
* Brave in facing challenges, high willingness to learn, seeking growth.
* Candle-like personality, accustomed to burning themselves out to light up others, neglecting their own needs.

Unanimously Recommended

Yu Chien (Writer)
Wu Pei-Yi (Legislator)
Hung Chung-Ching (Clinical Psychologist)
Miao Po-Ya (Taipei City Councilor)
Haitai Bear (Podcaster)
Tsai Yi-Fang (Counseling Psychologist, Parenting Author)
Lu Chien-Chang (Poet Director)
Lan Pei-Chia (Professor of Sociology, National Taiwan University)

This book is a ghost story of patriarchal families. Eldest daughters across generations and social classes have endless caregiving labor: taking care of younger siblings when they were young, their siblings' children when they are adults, and their elderly parents in middle age, while also having to deal with unreasonable colleagues at work. They are not born with a sense of responsibility; rather, society places the burden of care on women's shoulders. Eldest daughters don't even have time to be children before they are pushed into the caregiving chain to fill a void. Eldest daughters need to love themselves, and it's not just about buying pearls; they need to tear down patriarchal constructs and priority myths, and make their families partners in care. — Lan Pei-Chia (Professor of Sociology, National Taiwan University)

"Parentified children" refers to children who become "little mothers." They bear more household chores, care for younger siblings, some even interrupt their education or work part-time to help pay off debts, or need to care for disabled parents. These are often the eldest daughters in the family, and when they become the family's little pillars, adults feel immensely comforted. Such children may gain family recognition, affirmation, and even dependence, but adults often overlook that they are still children and also have a need to be cared for. Thank you to the author for writing this excellent book. I hope that eldest daughters, as they grow up, can also use this book to think more about themselves and love themselves back. — Tsai Yi-Fang (Counseling Psychologist, Parenting Author)

Friends concerned about native family issues can easily notice the grievances and tears of eldest daughters in our culture. Especially if there are many children in the family, or if parents or grandparents are seriously ill, the eldest daughter is often the first to be sacrificed. They lose their childhood from an early age, having to take care of younger siblings and elders, and even if younger siblings make mistakes, the eldest daughter is punished by association, accused of not being a good role model or not teaching her siblings well—parents thus directly shirk their parenting responsibilities. I am very grateful to Xiaohua Ma for being willing to address the issue of eldest daughters. This will be a precious empathy for eldest daughters! — Hung Chung-Ching (Clinical Psychologist)

Ideally, parents should love every child equally, but eldest daughters are often not treated as children but as assistants, or even proxies, for their parents. Parents expect them to share the family's financial burden and the lifelong responsibility of caring for parents and younger siblings. This book allows you to see the hardships and struggles of eldest daughters in the family, and also points out that this family structure has a socio-cultural background. I believe it will resonate with eldest daughters who read it, making them feel that their loneliness has been understood. — Yu Chien (Writer)